Thursday, September 22, 2011

Been and month in some regards...

....six months in regards to other things.

I have several posts waiting for me to finish them up and publish but my heart hasn't been into writing lately.  But that is fairly obvious given the month between posts here.  School is going, not as smoothly as it was in the beginning but it is going and for the most part we are enjoying our new curriculum and the addition of Classical Conversations.  I am thoroughly enjoying the community aspect of CC.  During Essentials class I feel like I'm back in high school writing notes on my white board to the other moms sitting back there with me and stifling giggles.  The competition is fierce in those chairs along the back wall during math drill time :)

Speaking of CC.  I had my first day tutoring last week.  I subbed for the 6 year olds.  It went well but I have a lot to learn!  I am learning to let go of my procrastination habits but that is going to take awhile to chip away at those old habits.

As for the six I had a six month checkup at the oncologists.  I had forgotten about it due to the fact that it never made to my calendar.  A phone call Wednesday afternoon sent my heart racing and my head traveling down all sorts of paths.  You see an e-maginary friend announced this week that breast cancer is claiming her life.  She supported me through my mastectomy with helpful advice and prayer, so how is it this damned disease is taking her out of this world and I got off with surgery?  Don't get me wrong I am grateful for my health but incredibly sad to watch someone go through it and not come out ok.  Some might chalk it up to survivors guilt.
So with dread I walked into my appointment.....after drying the tears that fell on the way there.  I barely made it through the blood draw as two bald women walked by me as my hair fell past my shoulders.  The doc spent all of 5 minutes with me and really didn't discuss my iron issues when I brought them up.  He claimed the low numbers for me were a result of menses and nothing to be concerned about.  WHAT???  Then why did he comment almost two years ago that my red blood cells were puny weak and any other negative adjective you could imagine.  Why did he say I probably had an absorption problem an recommend iron transfusions??  Why in the past two years have I wasted over 24 hours getting said infusions stealing 6 days from my family?  So I am done with this doctor.  Finding a new one brings on all sorts of other issues.  If you have never had to sign on with an oncologist then consider yourself blessed.  The questions they ask feel like you have one foot in the grave and are just waiting to give you a shove the rest of the way.  Did I mention that my husband is out of town so I dealt with the emotional trauma that these damned appointments bring on my own?  Friends stepped up and heard me out, helped with the kids etc but John gets me, nothing in this world makes me feel better than to be wrapped in his arms.  Must be what it feels like to be wrapped in the Fathers arms.